Sometimes I Find My Heart Heavy

I wrote this poem/ song a few days ago, but after hearing a sermon on margins found here http://www.liquidchurch.org/ I think it has new meaning that never even occurred to me. I was picturing this as the person doing the helping, but if I place myself in the opposite role, I find I still fit - all too well.

Sometimes I Find My Heart Heavy

(10/17/2007)

Sometimes I find my heart heavy

For I don’t know how to reach you,

If you don’t reach out to me,

Then I don’t know what you need from me.

I can take no steps

If I don’t know where to find you.

It’s like shouting into dark and hearing nothing.

Only to find out sometime later

You were there the whole time

Bound and gagged by helplessness.

Close enough to touch by hand

But far away in mind and spirit

Therefore, far beyond my reach.

Tell me, how can I reach you?

Is there some middle ground we can safely tread

To cross the distance that lies between us?

Sometimes I find my heart heavy

For I don’t know how to reach you,

If you don’t reach out to me,

Then I don’t know what you need from me.

Review of Inferno: Five Irksome Points, Five Saving Graces

I’m going with three of five stars because, although I enjoyed the book, many things about it irk me to no end. Mild spoilers ahead, so beware.

This could have been the end of the series, yet the we-want-to-sell-3-more-books idea prevails.

Irksome point 1: Jacen’s characterization throughout the series. The authors have thus far tried to lead him slowly to the dark side. I even half-buy a third of their crappy rationalization. Several plot points leave me stunned by the sheer stupidity. Jacen Solo was a freaking awesome character by the end of the NJO, he even had sense through that flipping awful Swarm War series, then all of a sudden in LOTF he’s Mr. I’m-a-man-I-can-take-on-the-galaxy by sacrificing all about me, I’ll preserve peace.

Saving Grace 1: Jaina seems fully back to her senses, thank the force. She even gets one whole nice long scene to show she really is a Jedi.

Irksome point 2: Alema Rar. Ever since the force-forsaken Swarm War series I’ve disliked her character. She’s just painful to read. “We” this, “balance” that, “kill Leia” the other. Aaaarrrrggghhh. Sorry, I’m usually more articulate than that, but she’s like a rash that won’t go away in any TD book.

Saving Grace 2: Troy Denning’s descriptions are at times brilliant.

Irksome point 3: Tahiri Veila. How many years have passed since Anakin’s death? Yes, she loved deeply, but one would think her Jedi training would have given her a better measure of peace than this book implies. It’s hard to believe that her only option of finding peace is to turn to Jacen and force-flowing to find Anakin again. She knew Anakin like she knew herself, or so we’re lead to believe. Yet she’s willing to do many things Anakin wouldn’t have condoned. Sure.

Saving Grace 3: Tenel Ka. Wahoo, some characters stay true to themselves. Yes, she’s reminiscent of Padme, but unlike Padme, she’s willing to fight. Thank the force someone didn’t turn the authors loose against her character.

Irksome point 4: we-want-to-sell-3-more-books – Jacen’s beaten and Luke walks away b/c it’s the right thing to do. Incidentally, they make a half-hearted attempt to explain this away in the next book. Benny boy might walk the dark path, so we must let Mr. I-am-sith-god live. Worst part – it will WORK! Yes, I’ll buy the others to complete the series. Yes, I’ll probably have mixed feelings about them. Yes, I may regret spending the money later.

Saving Grace 4: Ben Skywalker. He reacts normally, thank goodness.

Irksome point 5: The miraculous escape in the end is so far beyond ridiculous it’s painful. The cause of said miraculous escape is also painful because the poorly named thing just all of a sudden remembers its powers… yeah right.

Saving Grace 5: Luke’s still powerful. Yes, he’s a lot over-done, which would have made him an irritant, had I been not so ready for him to DO something besides dither.

Comments on Lorien's cd: Waterline

This relatively short cd combines Lorien's amazingly beautiful voice with her haunting lyrics that tell many tales.
For the life of me I can't make heads or tails of Well of Swords. It's probably my 2nd-3rd favorite on the cd. I can't decide whether I like it better than the title track or not. Waterline may edge it out for the small reason of I can hear every word clearly, whereas Well of Swords, I had to look up the lyrics. You can actually hear both of these songs at Lorien's myspace music site. I highly recommend getting the whole cd though, it's reasonably priced and very relaxing music.
My personal favorite is perhaps the shortest song on there: For Love and Beauty. I think it takes all of a minute to play.
Part of this cd's appeal is how beautiful the presentations of death sound as they gently brush one's ears. Highly recommended.

Internet - Curse and Blessing

I wonder how much work I would get done if I didn't spend so much time on the internet. On the other hand, if I didn't have the internet, how would I do my work. Google images are like my lifeline to semi-interesting powerpoints. No matter which way I look at this stuff certain parts of biology have the potential to be deadly boring. Yet those are the parts I need to understand better if I'm to get to the cool stuff like Genetics.

When You're Sick of Biology

Do what I do, avoid work like the plague and play on the internet. Er, not during my class though, got it?
Some fun things to read to help you maintain sanity:
The Shamer Chronicles Book 1: The Shamer's Daughter by Lene Kaaberbol. I had the large print version, very sweet. Made me feel like I could read the thing clear across the room. Excellent book, a bit odd for being from a 10 yr old's perspective but decently described.


The Icemark Chronicles Book 1: The Cry of the Icemark by Stuart Hill. Probably one of my favorite fantasy books. Hill writes just enough description and action to keep the story flowing. The princess is more of a distressing damsel than a damsel in distress, though at times she sort of has that role too.

The Icemark Chronicles Book 2: Blade of Fire by Stuart Hill. Not quite as good as the first in the series but still wonderful. Stuart Hill's sense of pacing is lovely. This book focuses on Thirrin's son and his journey. If Hill didn't do pacing so nicely it would have been a drag, but as is, it flows rather well.

Pyroglyph's a singer - cool

See, there's only so much you can learn about someone online. I had no idea that this nice lady I've sort of met through the Legends of Mernac sings... and really beautifully at that. Hmm, there's got to be a way to fix that...we need a shameless plug thread. Be right back.
Okay, we're good to go.

Nice pretty music.

Technical Difficulties

Overall, Mernac's a wonderful forum and very reliable source of fun. Occasionally, like today, there's a spectacular site crash wherein the site throws a hissy fit and doesn't let anyone on for any reason. I assure you these times are rare. Oh well, guess that means I get to write tonight.

Maybe I'll actually get a chapter or two done. T'would be an amazing thing. Of late, NWN2 has been sucking up time like a hungry little monkey.